Former England skipper Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-deteriorating condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the World Cup champion 2003 side and secured numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the condition.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the minute," he said.
"It's not that I don't understand where it's heading. We grasp that. But there is absolutely a reluctance to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, talking alongside his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his present health, his family and making preparations for when the condition worsens.
"Perhaps that's shock or perhaps I handle situations uniquely, and after I have the facts, it's simpler," he stated further.
First Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some reduced power in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the problem, a series of scans showed neural pathways in his neurological system had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this condition identification of MND and we're understandably quite emotional about it, but it's quite odd because I think I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't sense ill. I don't experience sick
"My symptoms are quite slight. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the hand and the upper arm.
"I'm still capable of performing whatever I want. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Disease Development
MND can progress quickly.
As per the charity MND Association, the condition claims a 33% of people within a year and over half within 24 months of diagnosis, as ingestion and respiration become more difficult.
Treatment can only slow decline.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," added an affected Moody.
"It's about the sorrow around having to tell my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Household Effect
Talking from the household with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was consumed with emotion when he discussed breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, stating: "It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was quite devastating," Moody remarked.
"We were seated on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and started licking the drops off our faces, which was rather silly."
Moody said the priority was remaining in the moment.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be extremely intensely directed on just accepting and appreciating each moment now," he said.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been really fortunate that the primary choice I made when I concluded playing was to allocate as much duration with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those times back."
Athlete Link
Top-level athletes are disproportionately influenced by MND, with investigations indicating the incidence of the illness is up to six times elevated than in the broader public.
It is thought that by limiting the O2 available and causing injury to neural pathways, frequent, vigorous training can activate the condition in those previously genetically susceptible.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his courageous, relentless approach to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a training-ground altercation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he left a practice gear and started engaging in physical contacts.
After coming on as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the set piece in the decisive passage of play, establishing a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the game-deciding drop-goal.
Assistance Network
Moody has already notified Johnson, who led England to that title, and a handful of other previous colleagues about his condition, but the others will be finding out his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to lean on their backing but, at the present, just having that type of care and recognition that people are there is what's important," he stated.
"Rugby is such a wonderful group.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even should it finished now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to consider your enthusiasm your profession, it's one of the most important privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so extended a time with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I know they will desire to help in every way they can and I anticipate having those conversations."
